#and maybe dahlia but the girl is just v distant too so it’s technically just one person
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Man I wish I could feel bad enough for even talking so I just don’t yap too much it just feels embarrassing a lot of the time
My brother just called me an unskippable NPC 😭
#on one hand I hate it but on the other it’s the only way I’ve not lost my mind#like mini me would be so happy to find out I’ve finally cracked the code to how to speak to people and here I am now feeling bad about it#like everything is just so wrong#what do I even do#I saw the post of the one girl I used to be obsessed with and like idk seeing it just made me wanna cry because like it’s so good she has#sm ppl around her but like literally I could never have that#maybe it’s for the best but why is it for the best#my way of coping with situations is that I cope rlly well#if I feel like my mum doesn’t like me I will adapt by internalising the fact she isn’t my mum and I don’t need her for my growth#if my brother is too I will internalise the fact I lost probably like one of my best friends whom I grew up with#if a friend doesn’t like me idrgaf anyways lmao I’ve cycled through sm friends I could make a billion more idc#but that’s the thing I cope way too well#so now when I realise I am not needed nor am I wanted by most ppl I interact with#to the point that nobody at all ever bothered to talk to me and check if I’m okay apart from like Hal is probably the only one#it makes me borderline insane and so now one wonders why I’m so horribly avoidant why my energy levels aren’t the same anymore#because in truth I’ve internalised the fact that I simply am not the type of person to be sought out. so I try not to take it too personal#and try to be normal and I don’t do this out of pettiness but cause now I genuinely feel terrified to speak to ppl#because I’ve been so ignored like man … I feel like a freak most of the time like I’m insane or wtv but can u blame me#like I literally have nobody who would care to ask abt me except one person#and maybe dahlia but the girl is just v distant too so it’s technically just one person#ik life isn’t fair but cmon now how can I be a loser in all facets of life that’s not reasonably unfair that’s just unfair period#like I don’t understand what do I have to do to get ppl to care I don’t get ittttttt#years upon years I’ve wasted trying to fix everything wrong with me but now I fear there is nothing I can fix it’s just#the way I speak the way I think is the problem#and like yeah you can change sm of your personality so much of the way u talk but you can’t change how your brain works#like what am I meant to do now? kms ? like srsly I don’t get what I’m doing wrong I’ve tried everything to fix it but nothing works#I would try so very hard to always fix my personality but why ? I try my hardest to be very nice but it never works#why can I not be an every day type of friend#.#Dora daily
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